Biggest Loser - Bump in the Road

I have felt the best I have in years these past few weeks. Working out has been my new addiction, replacing my love for food. I have been working dang hard and for the first time in a long time, I was very proud of myself. 

Until I hit a

bump...

in...

the...

road...

I started experiencing chest pain and shortness of breathe about a week after working out, which landed me in the ER. Don't worry, I highly doubt it's anything serious. I will have a stress test done on Wednesday to rule out any cardiac issues and when that comes back normal than my butt will be back in the gym. But until than, I can't work out.

Talk about discouragement! I been going 100 mph on the freeway and now I'm going 15 mph (not literally.) 

If it's not cardiac related, than why am I experiencing these scary symptoms? And trust me, I have been scared. It's gotta be lovely anxiety/panic attacks. Oh my goodness, did I just post on the world wide web that I am experiencing panic attacks? How dare I. Yes, I am and I promised to post about my weight loss journey and that is sharing all the ups and downs. I'm so thankful that with my experience with postpartum depression after my first daughter, I have so many amazing resources to fight this. With Jesus, I can overcome anything and I believe so much that Jesus wants me to complete this very hard weight loss journey. 

Down 13 pounds, almost 1% body fat, and loose fitting clothes in matter of only 18 days. I'm not stopping, you better believe it!

Biggest Loser

In 2006 and 2007 I lost a total of 80 pounds. I could only maintain about 65-70 pounds of that weight off until I got engaged and I maintained most of the weight off until I got pregnant with Ellie. When I got pregnant with Ellie, I gained 60 pounds. Lost 25 pounds after birth and then immediately got pregnant again when Ellie was 4 months old. I gained 40 pounds with Annabelle and lost 31 pounds within 6 weeks of giving birth! Both my pregnancies were semi-high risk and I had to take it easy with both of them. Don't get me wrong, my pregnancies are all to blame... I am mostly to blame.

Since Annabelle has been born I have yo-yo'd losing 15 pounds than regaining most of it back a total of 3 different times in the past year. It's been very, very discouraging. My metabolism is shot. I have no room for error. It would take me 3 long months to lost just 15 pounds and I would get discouraged and fall back into my old eating habits. Than, I would get motivated again, do the same thing, and get discouraged again because the weight wasn't coming off fast enough. I'm sorry, but when you weigh what I weigh, you have to see changes pretty fast to get encouraged.

My awesome husband got gym memberships for us at the gym a 1 mile away. Doug works out at his gym at work but also wanted to work out with me sometimes. His gym at work is only for employees. Well, the auto-withdrawal came every month and we never went. Two months past and we still hasn't gone.

The beginning of this week, I decided, no matter what, I am going to go at least try to work out. They have childcare there and it was a perfect way to get a little break and better myself at the same time.

I dropped the kids off and they were ecstatic to play with other kids and play with new toys. I began on the treadmill walking. Super boring. I scanned the gym looking for someone about my size to make me feel better. I saw someone similar to my size and that gave me hope. If I didn't see someone similar to my weight, I probably would of left. No joke. I got tired of the treadmill and I walked over to look at the weight equipment and froze. I was not going to get on those with how big I am. I was embarrassed. I began to walk away and this BEAUTIFUL young girl, grabbed my shoulder.

"I see you looking at those machines. Were you thinking about using them?" She said with her gorgeous smile and to die for bod.

"Honestly, I don't know what I am doing. I really don't know what I am doing." I said totally embarrassed and humiliated. Humiliated not because she made me feel that way...I felt humiliated because I look the way I do. I let myself go, I put myself on the back burner for the last 3 years.

"Well...hmmm....I got about 15 minutes until my next client. I guess...yeah, let me work with you for 15 minutes. That is all I got, let's go!" She said has she gently pushed me to an area to work out.

We did 15 minutes of intense working out. I impressed her.

"You want this, don't you?" She said.

"I'm done. I really want this." I responded.

A couple of days of sessions later, I was talking with the manager of the gym. "We want to use you!" The manager excitedly told me. "I will give you a deal on a personal trainer if you will do a 3 month, 6 month, and 9 month testimonial with pictures."

For those of you that know me, I am not a flake. I commit to things and I wouldn't commit to this guy if I wasn't serious. I commit to be his Guinea Pig for 1 YEAR! I will be working with two woman personal trainers. My measurements, weight, and fat percentage will be checked many times within this next year.

So... I'm SO ready! How did I think I could just lose weight by eating better? You HAVE to do both!

I am so excited! The most excited I have been since Doug asked me to marry him and when my girls were coming into this world. If you think of me, please say a prayer for me for strength and endurance. I will be blogging about my journey for accountability.

Did I mention my trainer is on the cover of a magazine? :) 

It's on like Donkey Kong!

Wife, Mother, Crazy Woman (The Power of Loss of Sleep)

I woke up today with a clear head and restful body. I got 8 hours of straight sleep the night before. Actually, I have gotten three straight days of 8 hours sleep each. It feels wonderful, as if the sun is shining brighter and life isn't has hard has it has seemed.

Annabelle, my sweet baby, has had several periods in her 13 months of life where she has slept through the night and then long periods where I am up with her several times. The recent episode (2 months long) of getting up with her was having fluid in her ears (which is now recently gone from the tubes), a cold with fever, and her teething with 4 molars coming in. 

When midnight, 3am, and 7am came, I was up with her. I was feeling like it was never going to end, that the nights would go on forever and my life would never be normal again. I was exhausted during the day and honestly, in "survival mode." Also, dealing with Ellie's GI issues was setting me over the edge.

I seem to forget that God was there by my side. He called me to care for these sweet girls and he wasn't going leave me hangin'. I prayed in desperation for sleep to God. I knew if I got descent sleep, I would feel incredibly better emotionally and physically.
Well, as always, He came through. Many a times, I feel God won't get my through, and He does. He proves me wrong every time.

Do not forget, dear friends, He is by your side as well.

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

Flowers Make Me Happy

I had such an awesome day today with my kids and my mother in-law, Shar. Shar graciously took us to Molbanks to look at all the beautiful plants and flowers and treat us to lunch in their little cafe.

I put the girls in the double stroller and off we went!

 One of the first things we saw was all the gorgeous hydrangeas. Love them! There is something about being surrounded by hundreds of flowers. Makes me happy! The girls and I saw a few birds flying around too.

 Anna was very excited. :) She was a little angel.

 Ellie looks unhappy but she really is happy to be there. She was such a good girl. :)

The cafe at Molbaks. Very good food and not too expensive.

You eat surrounded by beautiful plants.

If you want to go to a place to relax and look at some of God's creation, go to Molbaks in Woodinville. It is a little pricey, but you can always see what you like and get it at Fred Meyer. :) There are a lot of cute gardening things and a lot of ADORABLE decorative stuff for your home. It was such a good time!