This week has been a super stressful mommy week. I spend hours at Children's Hospital yesterday trying to get the root of my daughter's booty issue. It was exhausting and I broke down crying in front of the doctor and the receptionist (not in my character to do, believe it or not.) I been kind of a crying mess lately. Not to mention I broke down crying in front of my cousins the other day too. Seriously, I better not be pregnant.
I'm pretty disappointed in Children's Hospital. General Surgery, GI, and her primary doctor were all arguing on who should see her. General Surgery told GI that Ellie need to be seen there and GI told General Surgery that she would need be seen there. It was a bunch of back and forth garbage. So annoying. Everyone finally decided that Ellie needs to go to Children's GI and we are trying a new medication which is suppose to help her. We'll see. Ellie doesn't need surgery which I'm incredibly grateful for. There is good news that General Surgery feels her anatomy is now completely normal which never was fully explained to me properly until yesterday.
Of course the medication she needed was extremely hard to find.
I tried...
Walgreens..didn't have it. Then 2 different Rite Aids..didn't have it. Then Albertson's..didn't have it. Then finally Target had something similar to it. Did I mention I had both kids with me when I was looking in each store? All the lifting helped my weight loss though because I'm down 2.2 pounds this week so I'm not complaining.
Later that day, our family was over to dinner at my in-laws. I was so stressed and wiped out from the day that I felt I deserved to cheat. My mother-in-law had ice cream for dessert and I was out of points. "You deserve this, Jessica. You had a hard week." It was like I had a miniature devil on my shoulder trying to get me to splurge.
I did end up passing on the ice cream, but as I was driving home I was deep in thought of why I thought I deserved ice cream. I thought:
"Why ice cream? How about I deserve a break from the kids or a nice long nap? Or maybe a hot bubble bath? Why am I comforting myself with food when I'm stressed?"
"Seriously, Jessica, do you deserve to be plus size? Do you deserve to hate your body? Do you deserve to be embarrassed about your size?"
After much thought, I realized I DESERVE to be healthy and to be an average size. I DESERVE to not be depressed when I try to pull on a pair jeans. I DESERVE to look in the mirror and not be ashamed of how I look. I DESERVE to be happy about my body.
That's what I DESERVE
I know that it seemed like a bunch of back and forth run around stuff for you, but I'm acutally kinda glad that she ended up at surgery first. Now you know that anatomically everything is perfect!! Hopefully, it is just a simple change to her meds and she'll be a pain free poopin machine.
ReplyDeleteI really like your new perspective on what yoy deserve. I had never thought of like that before. It's funny how we feel like if we do something good we deserve some sort of a high calorie, high fat treat, but in the end that treat makes us feel bad. You do deserve to be happy, not just about your body, but about your life in general. It may not seem like it to you, but I know that there are so many people that would love to be you!
Gabby
What a great take on what you deserve. I'm so proud of you Jess. Oh, and isn't crying part of what being with family is all about? We should be one of your most safe places. Love you.
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